to sum it up..

back again! its been a looong time and MBBS is over! :D basically had a turbulent 1st 3 months of 2009 followed by sheer fantasy for 1st 2 weeks of april in New Zzealand. And I suspect the next 8 months of 2009 are going to be madness.

The whole MBBS journey was a challenge..just keeping morale high day after day and continue to peruse notes over and over again. and try to put all this into use over a matter of 10 minutes or so for clinicals. and trying not to ponder about the kind of patients and examiners one is going to get. and the frank palpitations, hyperhydrosis and palmar erythema while waiting for med short cases to start; staring anxiously all around. and the extremely annoying, gnawing feelings of regret after each incorrect/incomplete answer. oh man, certainly wont miss these and no, time did not fly in march 2009.

Instead time flew in april 2009 and is fast ticking away now! NZ was awesome/ exhilarating/ challenging/ liberating/refreshing all rolled into one! and with LOVELY photos to boot, it was one special holiday. and loved the feeling of being cut-off from the world both literally and mentally wrt abilities and norms (except for family, whom I certainly missed). truly glad that I went ahead with the trip and I am most certainly returning there.

post NZ was a time of joy and sadness combined as the dreaded results came out - its the most awful feeling to have to attempt to comfort a fallen friend. when you know that your words are meaningless and the person just wants to cry. I let that happen and simply sat there with both ears open - hopefully that made things at least an ounce better.

since then, the holiday feeling has finally sunk in - the luxury of waking up in the morning, reading the papers with milo in hand and watching the morning telecast of Friends! One of the better things in life...that and the realisation that you have nothing to do, the ability to stroll along a road unhurried without a fixed target in mind, afford to be able to walk even for 30 mins rather than take a bus, read a book (storybook) into the wee hours of the night - all simple pleasures that have been almost forgotten through the past year. And have been feeling happy - an almost unfamiliar feeling of being at peace with the world, having experienced a lot of contentment both at home and in NZ. Loving it.

But now the fear of work is slowly creeping in, the immense reluctance to start work and end this current hiatus..and the never-ending questions of doubt: will I be able to handle the kind of pressures HO-ship is famed for? my 1st night call and my 1st collapse case? the sheer physical stress of it? told a friend that we will pull through it, no matter what and that it'll be the small things that matter - intend to keep up my promise to make her HO life a little easier :) and for now, shall continue to enjoy & cherish the remaining days left as may 4th draws nearer..